Serving Others Without Giving Yourself Away

Fran Mora

Boundaries. Co-dependency. Priorities. Unresolved past issues. Self-Care.

These are all issues involved in the ministry of serving others. They are also the same mistakes that I have spent much of my life making. Once I examined myself in relation to these issues, I had a better foundation from which to proceed. The same foundation upon which I fought many years to stand and be able to write about this topic.

While in positions of ministry, I found myself thinking that I was the only one who could do certain things. It seemed like it was more trouble to ask someone to help than to do it myself. What I realized was the importance of welcoming others into service so they too can get the blessing of helping others. This helps create community, rather than a leadership that is separate from the congregation.

When we are filled with the Holy Spirit, it is easy to give to others, but often in the process, we end up drained. We start out feeling led by Him and end up continuing on our own steam, which leaves us feeling depleted instead of filled. In order to love others in a healthy manner, we have to love and take care of ourselves.

Nobody gets praised for running out of gas, for not preparing appropriately for the trip ahead. Never do you hear someone say, "Look at you go! You went so far that you ran out of gas, all you have to do is push your car to your destination!" Jonathan Bernis

The more we take care of ourselves, the more we have to give. The more gas you have in your tank, the further you can drive. Such is the simplistic importance of Self-Care.

Doing a deep inventory of your own needs, strengths, gifts, and weaknesses before trying to pour into others is the first step to serving those around you. Many times we are giving to others, expecting that to fill us up. This leads to hurt and disappointment when we don't get the results we are unconsciously seeking.

We are good at getting wrapped up in helping others to avoid the issues in our own lives that are uncomfortable to examine.

When we ask the Lord to show us what we need to face in our own lives before attempting to help others in theirs, we start from the right foundation.

Codependency is often defined as the need to be needed. It is not a place of balance or stability, it is an addiction. If you have a hard time saying no, feeling resentful, exhausted, overextended and the time for yourself and your family is just not enough- or never there at all- then something is out of balance.

Pick up the Word daily and be honest with yourself (and Him!) so you CAN be equipped to serve others in a healthy manner.

Fran Mora is a Jewish believer in Yeshua of 35 years. A retired Licensed Clinical Social Worker of 43 years, she is also a mother of two grown and married daughters and a 17-year-old grandson.